4:45am

It's a great time to start the work day, no?

It is only 7:28am and I feel like it's lunch time. Ayiyi. Taking a moment to work from home, considering no one will be in the office for a good hour.

Breakfast of extremely tired champions.

Not for the Ghouls and Goblins.

All his life, Justin has had the great misfortune of sharing his birthday with the ghouls and goblins that come to visit us for one day each year. It is especially unfortunate because he hates to dress up, and is yet forced to, year after year, on the day that is supposed to be all about him.

Birthdays are important to me. They represent the person's existence. Why I can see them, talk to them, look them in the eyes, hug them, laugh with them, cry with them. It is why I get to love them. Because they were born.

I've always struggled with Justin's birthday. I want him to know how important this day is because it gave us all him. But I also love Halloween. And so does almost everyone else, as it's one of the greatest days of the year. It's a battle, and Justin is usually the loser, thrust into some party wearing some costume I concocted [usually inspired by his tastes, but a costume none-the-less].

This year, thanks to some wise thinking by our good friend Cielo, the joint travel efforts of our close friends, Ali and Donald, and my sister and bro-in-law, Jana and Chris, and some other wonderful schemers, we put together an amazing birthday surprise.

Everyone dressed up like a version of Justin.

There was Justin-in-the-womb [Chels], FSU Track Runner Justin [Katie], Mountain Justin [Jana], Chris-as-Justin-as-Chris Justin [Chris], Cowboy Justin [Cielo], Drunk Justin [Madre], Fisherman Justin [Ali], Guitar Center Justin [Donald], and Rocker Justin [Me]. There were also clown noses for everyone. To make it just a little bit scary [and still birthday inspired].

And then, of course, Justin was Old-Man Justin. It was fairly believable, too, considering that as soon as he put on the gray wig he became extremely crotchety. And the cane we provided seemed well received, as he walked around the house leaning into it, complaining of feet pains from standing all day.

We had a feast of his favorites... mini-meatloaf sandwiches, indy green bean casseroles, fried chicken, zucchini fries, watermelon, cake, and some lethal vodka lemonades. And of course, Miller High Life. The champagne of beers.

Justin fishing for compliments and gifts in his birthday hat, thank you Donald.

Everyone got their Halloween. We got our costumes and our party. And Justin got to know just how much his birth really means to us.

Happy Birthday, love.

Saturdaze.

Lazing around with my two fluffs all day long.

These days are not often, but when they happen, they are magic.

Spookay

I haven't been to Spooktacular in years. But when my friends were coming into town and told me they wanted to get into the Halloween spirit, it was the first thing that came to mind. Dark, winding, earthly smelling pathways, cleverly gorged out pumpkins, the incessant twinkling of candlelight that is only really appropriate this time of year, and cheerfully costumed people handing out candy at every quarter mile. What, I ask, could be more Halloweeny... or better?

So, I fervently dragged both friends and family, unfed with dinner but armed with a canister of snuck in wine, to the Jacksonville Zoo's 2009 Spooktacular.

It helps that Best Buddies, my good friend Mary's so-to-speak lovechild [she didn't envision it, but she has envisioned amazing things for the Jacksonville chapter... including the pairing of my buddy Wanda and I!], had me out at the Zoo carving away at a few of those "thousands" of pumpkins creating the spooktacularistic ambiance.

It was exciting to find my pumpkins as we wandered through the cavernous pathways.

Cielo's craftily carved pumpkin.


One of mine. Peace in the Mid East.

We thoroughly enjoyed the awkward anteater, the baby [baby? or small?] cheetahs and their playful abuse of the underprivileged pumpkins, and the giraffes who never tired of the relentless leaves being thrust their way.

I convinced, easily, my sister Jana and great friend Donald to ride the carousel with me. It was a trek my sister and I have taken on a number of occasions and, as we exited the ride red faced and laughing, she hugged my neck and whispered into my ear, "I will always ride the carousel with you, babe."

And at the end of the night, wine drunk and thermos thrust back into my purse, candy eaten, and feet incredibly sore, we visited my uncle's fountain. We silently walked the perimeters and thought of his big smile, his big heart, and how perfect a place this was to honor his legend. Outdoors, yet family friendly, fun and light, yet serious and beneficial. Real. True. Fun.

We'll always remember how we remained...

Tonight was the first early night of the fall. Walking through the parking lot to my car has once again become a little more fearful, and the crisp air mingles with the faded light to create an ambiance of closure, the fading and chilling reality of the end of another year.

Not to delve completely into melodrama, I also happen to have suffered from a not so mild case of the Mondays. Life behind the computer, as great and as much as I love my job, is not entirely satisfying and is nowhere near the dream of the office overlooking the mountains with the over-sized leather chair, over-sized sweater, a fire behind me and a novel before me, one that I am writing.

But as I was driving home tonight, "Emma Discovery", one of the anthem songs off of The Anniversary's "Designing A Nervous Breakdown", started playing off my iPod. It was a different time for me, when this song was a symbol of a life filled with possibilities, ignoring the logistics of bills and wages and the effervescent battle between the two. I was prepared to conquer the world with my pen, rocker boyfriend in tow, and live a life filled with passion and romance and intrigue.

The Anniversary.

Now, with my life mapping its way out before me, involving little of the seat of my red and faded bell-bottom corduroy pants that I used to fly by on so precariously, I am aware of all the things I thought I had time to discover, how quickly that time is flying by, and... so poetically... how all of this is great for the makings of a nervous breakdown.

Why can't life be like the dreams of the 19 year old?

19 and free.

Don't get me wrong. I do love my life. I love my husband [who still happens to be the rocker that I fell in love with so many years ago]. I love my job [that so graciously does not keep me trapped behind a computer all that often, and when it does I am usually writing or communicating with artistic people, not so shabby]. I love my friends and my family and Jacksonville and the great things it gives me. But I miss being 19 and fearless. I hate to think that that is all behind me now. That all my Monday's will pile up into one long stream that takes me to a place I never intended to go.

Sat on your roof young in eighty-two
How you remember is how it remains
Turn down the light so now I can die
We'll always remember how we remained

-Emma Discovery, The Anniversary

Just look where adventuring gets you.

Bella was investigating the clown balloons for Justin's surprise. Just look where adventuring gets you.

Silver Foxy

So, every year my office has a Halloween party that is centered around one of our upcoming Broadway shows. Last year was Wicked, and I came as Dorothy [image below].

Conveniently dressed in Red, White & Blue for early voting in the Presidential elections.
photo courtesy rachel best henley

Well, this year, we are going with the theme of Grease! starring Taylor Hicks. I, wisely, will be going as the one and only Silver Fox.

Can't believe I could fit all that hair under this tiny, amazing grayness.