i am jacksonville

So there is one thing I love about this town. No, it’s not the great bars that it took moving all the way (not just half way) across the country to discover I missed. And no, its not my family and friends that have given me a solidity that I haven’t had in years... possibly ever. It’s that it feels new.

I was just having a conversation with one of my friends who recently moved to Tampa. In case you haven’t realized yet, I come from a group of constant movers. It’s like I purposefully surround myself with people who can’t settle, who thrive for the new, who live on this edge of comfort and crazy. Which do we want? We can’t decide and we won’t decide. And that’s how we like it.

I always told myself growing up I would never be with a person who traveled. My dad traveled… and it caused a lot of animosity in my life. Missing people sucks. But later it became so much of who I am, because the one thing it really taught me was that there is just so much to see.

Now here is the cincher. I had not seen Jacksonville. I grew up here. I spent my life here. I know here. But I don’t know Jacksonville, I just know me.

I think that’s something people here forget. There is so much more than the little square miles we live in. and it is something I feel very fortunate to have learned. Granted, my daily grind consists of much of what I did before I left, or while I left, or who knows when I made that disconnect? But, suddenly, I am a part of this thing that I have based every other experience on.

Like, I love TSI. I love it. I love the alley. I love the over-dressed, over-tuded, over-interpreted people that go there. I love that they only serve wine and beer. I love their shows. I love the life they give me, and yes, I identify. Maybe that makes me something… but at least I am something.

But, I also love the Square (Square One), it’s right down the street. I can walk there. It’s nice on the inside. It has velvet. It has a disco ball. They serve liquor. They make me feel adult.

The thing that I love the most is that I can be complex here. In California, as odd as I know this sounds, complex was completely normal. And somehow, it was boring. Everyone was so different, so absurd, it was a play. How can you take “aggressive yoga” seriously? Or the microbiotic raw vegan diet? I mean… lets get real.

And the nightlife sucked. There just wasn’t a community. And therefore, there just wasn’t much to discover. We had a few bars we loved – McNally’s, Merchants – but it lacked the community that I so identify with the places I love.

I thought by moving back I would be moving back in time. Going back to a place and a person I thought I had left behind. But in truth, I moved forward. I moved into me, into a person that has been budding inside my veins and my being from day one. And now, after trying to escape a life that made me who I am, I can see that this place is who I am.

And it’s not just because I’m from here. It’s because it’s fresh. It’s artistic. It’s alive. It’s ready for growth and for change and for art and for life. And I am ready too. I’m there. I’m with it. I’m with Jacksonville.

Bring on the art walks. Bring on the museums. Bring on the midnight bike gang, and even the mid-evening bike gang (the lesser known, lesser intimidating bike gang). Bring on the family dinners. Bring on the ocean. Bring on the hottest August you could possibly imagine.

That’s me. I am Jacksonville.